Stat Brief 2014

Yo, Aaron here. Every Tuesday night I work at The Wine Cellar on Mass Ave. Or Cellar Wines. I don’t know the official name. All I know is I work here because my fiance works at The Garden at The Cellar next door. It’s all owned by the same person. Her name is Marilyn and she’s very nice.

I haven’t checked the stats in a while or briefed my readers on anything… until now:

-Someone found the world-famous blog here by typing “Speed skating podium bulge” into a search bar. Also, the blog has had some bumps in readership. I had a conversation with my little brother Nicholas out in California, it went like this:

NICK: Hey, I told my friend to read your blog and she said that she’d already seen it because her professor had shown it to the class.

ME: Can you elaborate?

NICK: She’s a former stripper, her name is Antonia Crane. The college is UCSD.

Anyway, more news:

-The Seattle Seahawks won The Superbowl.

-We’re not allowed to watch movies by Woody Allen anymore.

-More snow in Boston tonight, BUTTON UP or STAY INSIDE.

-We are the Universe. We’re all the Sun and the Earth. We’re all God and everything at once and everything is beautiful. Aliens exist, but they aren’t threatening. They’re also God. You can do or be anything you want unless you die first. Though you can’t really fly without assistance. Death is a part of life and it pays to be nice. That’s all fact, myriad studies prove. Everything I write is subject to the most intense peer-review.

I apologize for the lack of production lately, aside from grade-school drawings and things I write on the receipt paper at the restaurant. On second thought, to whom do I owe this apology? This blog is free.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s